shame

shame shame shame shame shame shame shame shame shame 

shame shame shame shame shame

shame shame shame shame 

that's what i feel right now. 

as i stated in previous post, death hurts me. not so much death because that's natural... it's HOW people die that hurt me. especially if it's at the hands of another human being. i'm starting to tear up again just thinking about Derrion Albert. i can't believe i even brought myself to watching that video. i didn't think it was gonna be that, i couldn't even finish it once that boy stopped moving.  

not that this is some sudden epiphany but... i think i seriously hate being black. i'm one that always says, "don't let a few idiots determine who you are" like i used to get irked when people said "black people, we got to do better" because i didn't want to be included it was kinda like "we WHO?" but now it's like... sheesh. i always say "i hate black people" when i read something foolish. but the more foolishness and fuckery that happens that it attached to our race the more i start to mean it. it's built up over the years. i don't want to turn into one of those mixed people that only claims one side but... i feel like i'm being pushed. indeed it's not just the black race who ingage in violence, but black people do it the most... to each other... and it's the most displayed/exposed.

martin luther king should feel more ashamed than i am. this man DIED trynna make us better and.... [shurgs] this is how we honor him? by killing each other. everything he's done doesn't mean shit. AT ALL. besides public segragation, what change has there been???? don't worry i'll wait...

i'm not a violent person. i swear i'm not. believe in fighting much BUT i do believe you SHOULD fight if you are in a position where you need to defend yourself. but all this jumping and stabbing people... seriously?   black people hate each other more than rascist white people do. and that's just fucking sad because it gives them another reason to laugh at us. members of the KKK are some where rolling on the ground. why? because they dont even have to do anything to destroy us anymore... we do it our selves.

the saddest part... is that this will never end. it just won't. you can try to be optomistic but it's just not. there have been too many leaders, too many programs, too many people in this world who are against voilence for years and it hasn't stopped yet. and for that. i am very sad and ashamed. 

nobody deserves to die like that. i don't even think the people that beating that boy to death, the people that watched, or the people who raised those iditos deserve it. 

all i have left to say is

i don't understand.... and i never will.